(no subject)

I dislike both sunshine and summer but right now I'm looking forward to both!

I'm eagerly anticipating the summer sunshine, as sunrise will happen sooner and I can take off earlier in the morning for my real estate photography job, since they don't let me take pictures of houses in the dark for some bizarre reason.

And this year I'm looking forward to the other baggage of summer as a challenge. Sure, I've cursed the Arizona heat for the past 7 years, but this year I've been investing in cooling garments, I've flipped my schedule so I can be outside enjoying the weather just before sunrise, and I have a bunch of popsicles I want to make. I feel like Elmer Fudd after he's built a very clever trap that Bugs Bunny won't possibly get around this time.

I wrote in an earlier entry, "I feel like I'm on Mars here and if I go outside I have to wear a spacesuit. Except I don't have a spacesuit. They don't make spacesuits that work here. Wait, maybe a spacesuit would work here. That would be cool. I guess I just don't have the money for an actual working spacesuit. I say that but I haven't shopped for one. I'm just a quitter."

So now I've finally gotten my space suit. But I have to wait until May to use it! Why can't we just switch the hot weather on and off as we please? God does it all the time.

(no subject)

I got fresh soy milk at Super L and left it open in the fridge for about a month and it seemed to have turned into silken tofu by the time I disposed of it. I didn't want to eat it but I thought it was pretty cool.


For no reason, I’ve made it my mission to watch as many adaptations of Wuthering Heights as I can. I watched the 1939 movie yesterday and the 1970 movie today. And I listened to a radio play of it starring Barbara Stanwyck, which sold me on the need to buy Lux Toilet Soap so I can cheer up friends and loved ones by looking as beautiful as I possibly can, which is my duty as a woman. Anyway, really looking forward to continuing this pointless undertaking.

My boyfriend said to me, "do you like this story so much because it's got ghosts?" I'm like "sure." I don't know why I like the story. That may as well be why.

Do others find joy in disliking things?

This is something I've been confused about since I was a teenager.

So, I think there can be a camaraderie in disliking things and finding unity with others in mutual alienation from stuff that you've felt you were supposed to take pleasure in but were unable to do so. This causes you to maybe embrace your distaste of the thing beyond what you would on your own, and play it up for added acceptance. Your dislike of something can even become a part of your basic identity. Like this:

But what about stuff you discover that you feel no societal pressure connected to? Is it fun to dislike that? Or is it only fun to dislike things when you think you're supposed to like them?

I think I'm weird because I feel guilty for disliking things most of the time. I wish I could enjoy everything.

There are quite a few things I don't like that I know I'm supposed to like, and I know it would please my friends if I could find enjoyment in these things. Examples are participating in social engagements or watching movies.

Then there's other stuff I think I'm not supposed to like and I don't like, like the Twilight series. But I wish I liked those things because I just think liking things is fun! And I rarely ever feel good about disliking something.

And I think, although I don't know for sure, that this is the opposite of how I was when I was a teenager. Back then I would feel guilty for enjoying things and then look for reasons not to like them, because I had the idea that liking anything at all was sort of uncool, because of the vulnerability attached to it. I think this was kind of a common attitude back then. I'm not sure if it still is.

But even then, I didn't enjoy disliking something, I just enjoyed not having to like it and worrying about it having a power over me. And nowadays I guess I finally believe in my own opinions enough to think the things that I do like are nice for me and there isn't much that will change my mind, but if that happens, it won't be very tragic. So that's just part of growing up. But now I have the opposite problem and I just want to like everything. So how long until this goes away?

(no subject)

I don't type lol, lmao, or lmfao much anymore, but I certainly still think them as often as I ever typed them. And always when I'm not even smiling. lol?

Another thing I think a lot: orz. I never typed that one to people but it secretly worked its way into my permanent mental vocabulary.

Considering how often I think these things I'm not sure why I don't just type them all. I guess I wish I didn't think them so much and I don't think they necessarily describe to other people what I actually mean and what I believe I should be able to convey without having to use them.

It's interesting about lmfao: when that one first became commonplace I remember thinking I couldn't possibly use it because I'm not overweight. But then, like all the others, it took on a separate meaning from the literal translation and now lmfao and lmao have different uses for me and are both necessary. smh